Monday, December 3, 2012

Kicking and screaming

What a day.

I've been an ogre lately (or is it ogress?) and it finally got to the point where even I didn't want to be around me. This fact occurred to me sometime after a conversation I had today with the one millionth person that had something negative to say about Lagos (I'm also including those who say it all with just a look and a 'Wow, Nigeria, yeah...' in this group). Usually I love to toss out how excited I am or talk about all the things I'm looking forward to, but I was just done today and let the other person's attitude rub off on me.

But it was more than just a case of contagious bad attitude. I finally realized what I should have known was inevitable from the start. I don't want to go to Lagos. Now hang on a second and let me explain. This is nothing against Lagos. It was a top choice for me and remains a top choice. But moving to Lagos necessarily requires moving away from the States and I have a very love-hate relationship with moving and change generally. The side of me that craves change is reflected in my god-given ability to sign up for things without over-thinking them and my other god-given ability to do a pretty good job adjusting to whatever I face when I get there. It's just that I have a total skills gap when it comes to that awkward waiting period in between.

You know the time I mean.

It's when you know change is coming and you can't stop it. But you can't hurry it along either. You just have to sit there and wait for it to hit you. (Well, and buy consumables. You can do that I guess.)

I'm really bad at that phase. It turns me into the little kid I picture at the dentist's, clinging to the chair in the waiting room yelling "Noooo!!!!!" But instead of being able to vent my feeling of anxiety/anticipation in such a healthy and mature manner I'm left binge eating Mexican food and whining to the travel office about how I don't want X flight and omg why can't I have a window seat and just generally being a pain in the neck. Now I have time for all the over-thinking I didn't do before and nothing good can come from that.

So to everyone who has heard me whine in the past week, I apologize. It's just that I don't want to go to Lagos. I want to BE in Lagos.

Just take comfort (as I do) in the fact that this phase ends the moment I get on the plane - at which point I will be back to normal, ready for adventure and a lot more sane.

One month left!

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly what you mean. I wish your blog had like buttons, but I guess if it did I would be liking everything, and that might get old for you. In any case, you're amazing, Jenny! It's a little hush hush right now, so shhh... keep it on the DL, but I am looking at a move myself soon & every time I feel anxious about it, I think to myself, "Suck it up, Jo; Jenny moved to Lagos! If she did that, you can handle moving a few hundred miles." So thanks for being inspirational, my friend.